Emotional intelligence

How to Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

How to Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

Our brains evolved so that we would have an instantaneous response to danger and that is how our species survived. But how often have you actually been in a life-threatening situation? Isn’t stress a more prevalent experience for you?

Receiving Unconditional Love-A Meditation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdS-hND7ZZU https://youtu.be/cdS-hND7ZZU  

I want to share with you an experience that has been transformative for me and countless numbers of friends and clients. When I received unconditional love everything in my life opened up and became richer and fuller. I became more loving and attracted more love into my life. This is what I would like for you to experience and that’s why made this video.

If I imagine looking at a bunch of newborns in a hospital nursery I can say unequivocally, that it is each infant’s birthright to feel lovable and worthy. Now if you suffer from feelings of unworthiness remember that you too were an innocent newborn baby deserving of unconditional love. And yet you probably have a lot of negative self- talk and can be critical of yourself and/or others. So, I want to ask you at what age did you stop being deserving? Was it when you were toddler, an eight-year-old, a12-year-old?

I have another explanation for why you haven’t been able to attain a consistent sense of being lovable. My experience taught me over and over again that “there is no gene for self-esteem.” Your self-esteem is determined by how our parents and caretakers met your needs early in life when your sense of yourself was forming. In an ideal world, as an infant, you would be loved unconditionally. If you were treasured and cared for with love and appreciation you would automatically develop self-esteem and all of your natural gifts would flourish.

As an infant, you were a bundle of needs and if all of these needs weren’t met you experienced your own pain or discomfort as a punishment or rejection. The discrepancy between your own power and the power you perceived your parents had, created a sense that they were all powerful. They could give you everything you wanted and needed if they felt you deserved it. You could not have the perspective that your parents could have limitations and so you experienced their inability to love you as you needed to be loved as an indication that you were not intrinsically lovable enough. If your mother was overwhelmed, anxious or depressed and she couldn’t hold you in a way that made you feel secure you experienced this as rejection.

Because these experiences happened so early in life, before you developed the ability to think you have no cognitive memory of the experiences that made you feel unlovable. You have no memory of connecting the pain or discomfort you feel with a sense of your own unworthiness. It’s like an itch you can’t scratch. If you’re like most people you have a feeling of unease or pain but have no idea how it got there. It feels as if it is essentially who we are. But not having a tangible memory doesn’t mean that the sensations and perceptions and sense of yourself as unlovable isn’t palpable.

I always felt that this feeling was epitomized by a quote attributed to the Duchess of Windsor which was “you can never be too rich or too thin.” In essence she was saying that you can never be good enough.

You have been conditioned to try to undo these feelings of unworthiness by becoming more successful or attractive, or attaining status. Your positive intent is to feel worthy but because your discomfort was never caused by your unworthiness no matter how much you achieve it doesn’t make you feel that you are truly lovable. Everything you do to try to disprove that you are worthy inadvertently strengthens your childhood misperception that your pain or discomfort was a measure of your unworthiness.

When we don’t receive the unconditional love we need we don’t develop what I call “receptive response,” the ability to take in loving and caring responses. As a child if you didn’t receive the positive messages you deserved you may have shut down so that you didn’t feel too much pain. This shutting down was an attempt to keep out hurtful messages and to avoid the pain of longing for the positive feedback that didn’t come. As a result of trying not to be hurt you may have become vigilant, looking out for what might go wrong. It has been my observation that in order to protect ourselves from that sucker punch to the gut, most people hang on to unpleasant encounters replaying them over and over in our head.

The purpose of this video is to allow you to develop this receptive response so that you can feel that you are truly lovable. Receiving this love will allow you to open up to the love that is available to you in your life now and will naturally lead to your attracting even more love into your life

I would love to share with you the following videos and blogs because they all contain tools for greater fulfillment. Here is the link to my YouTube channel;    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCqDb2FtRHyE9fVVhB4eu5g

Invitation to Emotional Education and Greater Empowerment https://youtu.be/SerlxbQbc3k

How to Attract and Sustain Loving Relationships  https://youtu.be/jnQMeXmkvtM

Taking the Stress Out of Stress   https://youtu.be/3YAlPW1pmO4

The Power of Compassion https://youtu.be/6W1ZYuafyvM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6W1ZYuafyvM

The Hidden Cause of Emotional Suffering and How to Heal It  https://youtu.be/JpypUUlH554

The Hidden Cause of Emotional Suffering and How to It

https://youtu.be/JpypUUlH554

How to Enhance Your Self-Esteem   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx6iWFXRBno

Oral Sex and the Male Dilemma https://youtu.be/ZcvaO31XB0M

Breaking the Painful Cycle of Overeating https://youtu.be/ZIvkbyxkfCU

Here are some links to videos they did in 2012 with Alan Steinfield when I appeared on his New Realities Television Show.

Helen Kramer talks about Neuroplasticity and the Adult Within

youtu.be/LpZg3uu2hSQ https://

How to Deal with Anxiety in New Way

https://youtu.be/Eh7oCJSC-aE

Helen Kramer talks about How to Become More Spiritual

https://youtu.be/hWIQ9ZKyc8s

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Attract and Sustain Loving Relationships

https://youtu.be/jnQMeXmkvtMIn our culture, we are conditioned to believe that if we didn’t get the unconditional love we deserved as children we can have a “do over” and get it in a romantic relationship. I believe that every behavior has a positive intent no matter what the outcome is. The positive intent in this hypnotic message was to give you the hope that you could feel lovable and worthy even if your parents didn’t create these feelings and you. Your parents didn’t have the ability to give you unconditional love because they didn’t have it either as is the case with the vast majority of the people you know.

To complicate things even further nature has been very clever because in order for our species to survive we had to procreate. Our species evolved to produce a cascade of feel-good chemicals that would lead to more sexual activity and bonding when you start to fall in love. But I imagine nobody told you this and so that when you fall in love or even think you are falling in love you become euphoric. You feel lovable in the way you’ve always longed to. If you’re a woman you produce more of the bonding hormone oxytocin, and may have a tendency to become quickly attached to your partner. You didn’t know that these chemicals would wane and when they do then you might feel rejected, angry or profoundly disappointed.

The stress you're feeling is triggering the fear part of your brain causing you to overreact. But no one taught you that your feelings can be misleading and often when you feel stressed, these stress signals can be misread as danger and hijacked to the fear centers of your brain. This is where your childhood fears and traumas got hardwired in and you can be triggered. You experience things the way you did when you were young and helpless and couldn’t change things that were happening in your life. We living things from this perspective causes you to have irrational reactions. One of the biggest problems in human existence is that when you have a feeling in your body it often has nothing to do with objective reality.  When stress triggers fear, you are living like a young child trapped in the past. You have no access to your adult resources and no connection to who your now and how the world is now. You can understand that experiencing things in this way will inevitably cause you to react in ways that are the opposite of what you really need.

These reactions can happen with anybody that you care about .You might even have had the subconscious or conscious feeling that people are deliberately withdrawing their love and hurting you. This can result in your feeling angry at your partner, hopeless about ever getting the love you need or just milder feelings of frustration or sadness. You were hypnotized into thinking that love is magical and when it turns out not to be, you suffer. It doesn’t matter if you’re dating or in a committed relationship unrealistic expectations lead to pain. Romantic love can’t redeem us and yet that’s what the hypnosis tells us all the songs movies etc.

As a result you may have become vigilant for rejection and often see it when it really doesn’t exist. Your partner is tired and becomes withdrawn or your partner is stressed and forgets something that you wanted them to do. Your misinterpretation of their behavior becomes stressful for you and that signal goes to the fear part of your brain because your brain hasn’t evolved to tell the difference between stress and danger. You were not deliberately trying to misinterpret your partner’s behavior. Your brain reflexively is trying to protect you by projecting or distorting other people’s behavior so that you don’t get caught off guard and get that sucker punch to the gut.

You also probably didn’t know that our brains read each other in a millisecond. If you’ve ever seen a nature program were a prayer comes into a herd of animals, you would see how quickly they signal each other to flee. This is a survival mechanism but it works the same when our brains are mistakenly misreading stress for danger. Your partner will pick up this fear signal and it will trigger their fear response but without proper emotional education neither one of you really knows that this is happening. When stress triggers fear all of our responses are irrational and stimulate the painful or traumatic patterns that we learned as children.

So what can you do about this? First of all just knowing this information will help you recognize what is happening you can begin the process of not blaming yourself for the suffering you have experienced in your relationships. I can’t stress this enough because you will feel disempowered if you blame yourself for these biological survival mechanisms. If you have blamed your partner for having similar responses you have inadvertently pushed them away. We all didn’t learn what we needed to have good relationships and end the suffering that has led to the statistics that 50% of 1st marriages, 60% of 2nd marriages 70% of 3rd marriages end in divorce  and think of all the relationships that never lead to marriage. How could this be your fault or your partner’s fault?

I know the profound feelings that can be realized when we have the tools to create and maintain the deep intimacy that is possible for us all. I invite you to watch the videos on my channel because each one will give you that will allow you to be truly loving, to yourself and to others. I have been given a great deal of support and recently had a mentor that gave me unconditional love. I know how powerful this gift has been and how it is liberated me. It is to receive the tools you need. There is no greater joy than living in love. If there is any way that I can support you on this journey please feel free to contact me here.

 

I would like to share with you some other blogs and videos with important tools for transformation.

Taking the Stress Out of Stress

https://youtu.be/3YAlPW1pmO4

The Power of Compassion - The Most Important Tool for Empowerment

https://youtu.be/6W1ZYuafyvM

How to Heal the Hidden Cause of Emotional Suffering

https://youtu.be/JpypUUlH554

How to enhance your self-esteem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx6iWFXRBno

How to Deal with Anxiety in New Way

https://youtu.be/Eh7oCJSC-aE

Helen Kramer talks about Neuroplasticity and the Adult Within

youtu.be/LpZg3uu2hSQ https://

Helen Kramer talks about How to Become More Spiritual

https://youtu.be/hWIQ9ZKyc8s

How to Achieve Wisdom and Overcome Faulty Learning

http://www.helenkramer.com/faulty-learning/

How to Transform Emotional Dyslexia and Become Empowered

http://www.helenkramer.com/emotional-dyslexia/