Sex addiction

How to Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

How to Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

Our brains evolved so that we would have an instantaneous response to danger and that is how our species survived. But how often have you actually been in a life-threatening situation? Isn’t stress a more prevalent experience for you?

How to Transform Emotional Dyslexia and Become Empowered

My life and work have been devoted to helping myself and others transform any thoughts, behaviors and emotions that are causing pain or discomfort. Early in my career I was impressed with how motivated and well intentioned my clients were. And yet, I had seen so many people spend years in therapy without fulfilling their true desire to live a more fulfilled and liberated life. I never doubted that people’s intentions were pure and yet I could understand their frustration at not being able to attain or maintain desired changes. My approach to creating change is based on the belief that all living organisms have one innate desire and that is for growth. I have dedicated myself to both identifying and removing any interferences to this innate drive for mastery. I have identified five major obstacles to change and developed specific and accessible tools for removing these interferences so that we can all obtain the richness in our lives we truly desire. Understanding what interferes with our changing has allowed me to develop specific tools for overriding and replacing any behavior that is an impediment to our living life fully.

I observed that when people functioned poorly it was because they were stressed not because they were self-defeating. It was because the brain couldn’t distinguish stress from danger. For most of our time on the planet, man lived in mortal danger. But now, fortunately, for most of us, life-and-death issues rarely occur. Stress is ubiquitous. When the brain misreads stress as danger the signal goes to its primitive, fight or flight center. When this happens we react reflexively with the brainpower of a very small, frightened child. I call this "Emotional Dyslexia" because it is a physical problem in the brain like the learning disability dyslexia.

With Emotional Dyslexia stress signals are "hijacked" and our reactions are the opposite of what we want them to be. We have been blaming ourselves and others because of a life-saving reflex that allowed our species to survive Although our brains haven’t evolved to distinguish stress from danger I believe we can teach our brains to send stress signals to our higher centers of our brain where we can engage our adult resources to problem solve and form effective emotional responses.

Overcoming “Emotional Dyslexia.”

In my book “liberating the adult within,” I guide the reader in a step-by -step process that creates new neural pathways, sending stress signals to the more developed centers of our brain. You can begin this process by first recognizing that many of the feelings you experience are false signals and if you take these signals literally your responses will be unproductive or even painful. One of the problems we human beings have is that when we have a feeling in our body we take it literally. You may have cortisol and adrenaline coursing through your veins creating an intense anxiety and yet this feeling doesn’t correspond with your objective circumstances and only robs you of the brainpower you need to problem solve.

Pay attention to your language especially if it is melodramatic. If you feel anxious, enraged or hopeless or find yourself saying things like "I can't take this another minute" or "I'll never be able to get this done," or nothing ever works for me try this technique:

STOP-don’t react reflexively but check it out. If for example, you are experiencing anxiety REVIEW your objective reality. Are you really in danger? Anxiety is a fear response that is only helpful when you are in real danger. If you check your objective circumstances and find that you are not in mortal danger RESHAPE your response. You might find that you’re stressed and definitely need to engage the problem solving part of your brain so that you can reduce that stress. Or get support to help you with this stress.

Be aware of the language you use because if you use melodramatic language you're actually weakening yourself. Stop if you find yourself using melodramatic language like “things never go my way, no one ever wants to support me, I never have good luck,” etc. This kind of language hypnotizes his you into staying stuck in the fear brain and only stresses you more keeping you stuck in fear.

Our culture hasn’t recognized that as we mature we need to be taught how to send signals from the fear part of our brain to the creative problem solving part of our brain. I call my work “emotional education” and not psychotherapy.

It’s time to rewire our brains and transform patterns of anxiety, depression and addictive, obsessive and compulsive behaviors. We are living in exciting times because every one of us has the potential to rewire our brain and replace fear-based responses with more creative, compassionate and fulfilling one's.

I am so grateful to have been given this profound gift of transformation and watched countless numbers of people develop lives that are joyful, loving and creative. It would be my pleasure to help you in any way that I can. Feel free to contact me at here and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

I would like to share with you some other blogs and videos with important tools for transformation.

Taking the Stress Out of Stress 

https://youtu.be/3YAlPW1pmO4

The Hidden Cause of Emotional Suffering and How to Transform It

https://youtu.be/JpypUUlH554

How to Enhance Your Self-Esteem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx6iWFXRBno

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx6iWFXRBno

Attract and Sustain Loving Relationships

https://youtu.be/jnQMeXmkvtM

http://www.helenkramer.com/attain-and-maintain-intimacy/

How to Achieve Wisdom and Overcome Faulty Learning

http://www.helenkramer.com/faulty-learning/

How to Transform Emotional Dyslexia and Become Empowered

http://www.helenkramer.com/emotional-dyslexia/

The Power of Compassion - The Most Important Tool for Empowerment

http://www.helenkramer.com/the-most-importa…-for-empowerment/

How to Transform Emotional Dyslexia and Beco

How to Achieve Wisdom and Overcome Faulty Learning

The second interference to full empowerment is what I call “faulty lear ning.” Stop and think for a moment. Is this survival reflex is active in every person you meet? Your parents had it, so did your teachers and your politicians. Too often the adults in our lives and our culture as a whole gave us information that was distorted by a brain that was wired to react with fear. They were not able to give us the information and tools we needed because they were limited by their own fear-based reactions, causing much pain and suffering. The well-intentioned adults in our life did not mean for us to feel inadequate or ashamed because of how we look or how much money we have in the bank, nor did they want us to suffer so much from failed relationships. We had no way of knowing that many of our beliefs and our emotional reactions were the result of conditioning by important people in our lives who were themselves being triggered into fear responses.

All of our pitiful behavior patterns, our addictions, compulsions of sessions our depression and anxiety are all manifestations of this "faulty learning."

All of us want to be able to feel "lovable" and "worthy." What our culture doesn't teach us is that as young children is that how we learn to feel about ourselves is determined by our earliest interactions. Ideally, every infant would be treasured and cared for with love and appreciation and self-esteem would develop naturally. I’ve expressed this in the following simple equation;

I feel good =’s I am good

Here feeling good comes from feeling satiated because I’ve had enough to eat, feeling safe and content because I am held lovingly, because everybody in my home is loving and I absorb these good vibes etc.

Unfortunately, for most people the idea was not their reality.

So instead the equation goes like this;

“I feel badly (I am experiencing too much frustration or pain) =’s I am bad (unlovable or unworthy).

This feeling of wrongness, unworthiness is what fuels on our addictions, compulsions and obsessions, we are desperately trying to disprove that we are not fundamentally unlovable. Because these experiences happen so early in life, before we have developed the ability to think we have no memory of the experiences that made us feel unlovable.

As we mature we carry these feelings with us and then we look around in our families and in our culture to find out what qualities are admired and valued. It is our positive intent to undo the feelings of wrongness by attaining the qualities that our families and culture hold in high esteem. The problem is that these feelings of wrongness never came from anything intrinsically deficient in us. Because we couldn't understand that our parents had imperfections and limitations in terms of how they cared for us, our discomfort was misperceived as rejection.

I believe the epitome of this faulty learning was expressed by the Duchess of Windsor who said "you can never be too rich or too thin." Essentially what this translates into is that you can never be good enough.

So we starve ourselves, exercise to exhaustion, overwork robbing us of a decent quality of life obsessively trying to undo these feelings of wrongness. Why do we even have an expression like 24/7? I had two grandfather's that were labor union leaders who would be turning over in their graves to find that people were constantly attached to devices and working 24/7. They dedicated their lives to improving people's quality of life by cutting back on work hours.

This "faulty learning" is evidenced in our culture by the epidemic of eating disorders in women and girls, starting as early as the second grade and remaining prevalent amongst senior citizens. Our culture seduces us with unattainable models of physical perfection creating the illusion that we can feel the worthiness we so desire through physical beauty. This faulty learning not only moves us in the wrong direction but robs us of the good information and wisdom we need to learn how to truly feel good about ourselves and become fulfilled compassionate human beings we are meant to be.

Yet so many of us suffer because we were conditioned to feel we had to live up to unrealistic expectations, while simultaneously being deprived of learning how to attain true joy and happiness. All we have to do is look around us at our celebrities, athletes, politicians etc. and we can see that this model of either big wallets or big muscles or transient beauty never did fulfill the promise of well-being we are seeking.

For me, another example of faulty learning is the misconception that power comes from independence. Americans suffer from what I call the "cowboy mentality" the believe that strength is measured by an irrational sense of self-reliance. Fundamentally, will total independence is an unattainable goal. This false model of strength is out of sync with our true nature which is to be connected, compassionate and interdependent. We need to be taught a truly empowering model of interdependence-amount of allows for appropriate support-support that is empowering because it strengthens our sense of connection while antidote in the stressful and impossible striving for perfection that always leads to failure in isolation. Human beings need a rhythm of autonomy and connection in order to function at their best but our culture sends us confusing messages that distort our need for support, seeing this need is making us either weak or "needy." When we use a model of interdependence, we get pleasure and are powered by both giving and receiving support.

If you want to change any behavior that is causing you pain or discomfort remember that due to faulty learning you didn’t get the tools you needed to live a more fulfilled life. Instead of blaming yourself try to find a mentor, teacher therapist etc. that you admire so that you can replace the faulty learning with learning that will allow you to fulfill your desire for mastery.

I know how important support has been in my own transformation and I want to support you in any way that I can. I have worked with people all over the world and can be available in person, on the phone or through Skype. Please check out my website helenkramer.com I have written a number of blogs to give you more tools for liberation and fulfillment. Please feel free to contact me here.

I would like to share with you some other blogs and videos with important tools for transformation.

Taking the Stress Out of Stress 

https://youtu.be/3YAlPW1pmO4

The Hidden Cause of Emotional Suffering and How to Transform It

https://youtu.be/JpypUUlH554

How to Enhance Your Self-Esteem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx6iWFXRBno

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx6iWFXRBno

Attract and Sustain Loving Relationships

https://youtu.be/jnQMeXmkvtM

http://www.helenkramer.com/attain-and-maintain-intimacy/

How to Achieve Wisdom and Overcome Faulty Learning

http://www.helenkramer.com/faulty-learning/

How to Transform Emotional Dyslexia and Become Empowered

http://www.helenkramer.com/emotional-dyslexia/

The Power of Compassion - The Most Important Tool for Empowerment

http://www.helenkramer.com/the-most-importa…-for-empowerment/

How to Transform Emotional Dyslexia and Become Empowe